and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
