Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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