OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
