First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
