there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
