I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
