Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The power of my boobs compel you
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
