I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
third nipple confirmed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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