"it" just moved
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
