you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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