If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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