Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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