He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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