I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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