census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
