Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
