why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize