I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
