sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize