Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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