haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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