So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
