Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
