Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
