i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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