My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
