this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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