I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize