I've blown a few things in my day
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
