mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
