what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
