Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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