I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
