Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize