the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
