i would punch a child for taco bell
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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