is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
