weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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