How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
