Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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