Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
