at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
