Who did Billy Mays play for?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh god it's open bar.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize