Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
