I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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