im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
