he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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