Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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