dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
