True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My vagina is officially offended.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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