Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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