The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
