Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
