I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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