if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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