I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize