if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
