Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
