its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
