Im at strip club and am horny
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize