We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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