like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
