Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
