R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ketchup is God's man juice
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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