Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
