I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
