good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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