If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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