I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
