I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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