Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
