the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
