Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
And then he peed in my hair
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