Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
