It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
