there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
