You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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