i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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