Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
