he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
