I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
