yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
