oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
