1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He better not be in your backpack
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
