SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
