I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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