Cold hands, warm shart.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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