This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The power of my boobs compel you
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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