People with herpes should wear stickers.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
