My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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