her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
