My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
