i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
