I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize