The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
